


John Lennon, Master of Discord

by EbethBeatlebub



Category: The Beatles (Band)
Genre: 21st Century, Discord App, Fluff, John Lives, M/M, Old Mclennon, Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:09:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26682715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EbethBeatlebub/pseuds/EbethBeatlebub
Summary: Dhani invited Paul to join discord to let him watch a livestream, but John gets a hold of the phone and, well, discord may as well be John's whole purpose in life. Naturally discord ensues.
Relationships: John Lennon/Paul McCartney
Comments: 17
Kudos: 61





	John Lennon, Master of Discord

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aristrela](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aristrela/gifts).



"He's done the what?" John squinted, not having been listening to his husband, (and not because he was having trouble hearing, no, that's just rubbish). 

Paul held up his phone for John to see. 

"It's Dhani, he's invited me to some chatroom thingy," he said, gesturing at the screen, there were names in various colours and text, all too small for John's nearly useless 79 year old eyes but he was able to make out Dhani Harrison's face in the little circle picture by his name. 

"And ye talk to him? With  _ that?"  _ he asked, taking the phone and squinting harder as if that'd help. Paul chuckled, taking it back from him. 

"John this sorta stuff's been around forever, I don't know why you're so surprised," he said, shrugging. 

John snorted, "I  _ know  _ bloody chatrooms exist, I just dunno why he can't  _ call  _ us like a normal person," 

Paul sighed, smiling at his stubbornness, "Because, John, it's not just for chatting," he elaborated, "He said he's gonna set up a livestream later, and he wants us to watch," 

Now  _ that  _ John kind of knew something about. He'd done little videos of himself to post on twitter and that (until he ultimately got banned... a few times) and Sean had explained to him now to use YouTube a bit, but he wasn't sure what the big deal was about this...

"What's it called, anyway?" he asked, reaching out to grab the phone again. 

Paul rolled his eyes as he'd been in the middle of typing something (why were the keys so damn small on these things) 

"Discord, I think it was," Paul said, "it's like Skype but apparently faster, or summat," 

John smirked, an eyebrow raised, "Discord eh?" 

He and Paul shared a glance. Paul knew exactly what he was thinking. John really was  _ quite  _ the god of mischief, particularly in his later age now, and such words as  _ 'discord'  _ tended to take his fancy. He was simply born to cause it, and time wasn't gonna stop him. 

" _ John _ ," he said, taking the phone back, or trying to anyway. 

" _ Paul, _ " John mimicked back, holding the phone out of his reach, a shit eating grin breaking out onto his face. He chuckled and began to get up, Paul getting to his feet as quickly as possible (with a couple of  _ 'oofs'  _ and  _ 'oooohs"  _ as his body cracked and complained) 

"John get  _ back here  _ with that!" Paul shook his fist in mock anger, scrunching up his face as he power walked across the room after the impish John, who was already likely up to no good. 

**Paul M:** heklo childrem it id me Pail

**Dhani:** I... excuse me? 

John was cackling as he hid himself behind a door, closing it fast as soon as he entered the room, Paul skidding to a halt just before it. 

"John, what are you doing?" he asked, knocking on the door, "John?  _ John?"  _

**Paul M:** whar a lovely evning for som discord, eh kids

**Dhani:** Paul, you alright? 

**Paul M:** i dont see amything unusul about meself

**_*Dhani_ ** _ is typing...* _

__ Paul tried desperately to push the door open but John was too damn heavy. He'd become dead weight against the other side, and was cackling increasingly loud. Paul just  _ knew  _ the bastard was typing stupid crap under his name. 

"John give me back the phone," Paul demanded, but his own secret (not so secret) amusement at the situation was slipping through, unable to keep a level voice, the barely suppressed smile on his face was  _ audible.  _

**Dhani:** Paul, are you drunk? 

**Paul M:** nooo no no no, i don drink it no morre, im tried of wankin up on de floor

**Sean:** Oh that's an unfortunate typo. Oh dear

**Dhani:** Isn't that a Ringo song?  _ Paul, are you alright?  _

_ * _ **_Dhani_ ** _ and  _ **_Sean_ ** _ are typing* _

John squinted at the last message, then busted up again at his own typo. That and, he'd not realised his son had been present too. The bigger the audience the merrier though. 

"Oh! Sean's here too, lovely," he said, "Shall I say hello to him for you, dear?" 

Paul was hitting his head against the door now. He was still trying to push the door open but of course he was aware that this was just his way of attempting to deny the inevitable. He'd have to actually wait it out til John got bored. 

"Oh,  _ god,  _ please don't," he wheezed, "but I can't very well  _ stop  _ you, now can I?" 

John wasn't so easily satisfied with his triumph though. He wondered how long until the boys had him figured out. 

**Paul M:** helo Sean i didnt se e you fhere 

**Sean:** I'm amazed that you can see anything, Paul, you're typing like my father

John winced, "Crap, he's onto me," 

He continued posting random stuff anyway though, and was delighted to find a strange page with lots of little pictures on it. 

_ *in another room* _

Paul didn't need to remember John's password because the damn man was so predictable. Four letter passcode; J O H N. What a  _ noob  _ as the kids liked to call it. If John wasn't going to play nice, neither would Paul. He signed John up for discord and in no time at all (it took less time the second time around thankfully), he was registered as John Lennon and a quick explanatory text to Dhani was all he needed to put his revenge in motion. 

**Paul M:** 😀😄😅🤣😂🥰😍 😘😋🐵🐮🐷🐱🍉🍎🍋🍌

**Sean:** Yes... Those are emoticons 

**Dhani:** They're called emoji these days, he'll probably out do Ringo at this point 

**_*John Lennon_ ** _ has entered the chat _ *

John, from what he'd believed to be the safety of the bathroom he'd locked himself in, cried out in shock at the name. He wasn't sure if it was his eyes so he put the phone all the way up to his face just in case. 

**John Lennon:** Hello, it's me, John Jesus Lennon, I've got a huge nose and an even bigger arse

" _ Oi! _ " John stood up and shouted at the  _ imposter _

**Dhani:** Welcome to the chat, Mr Big Butt Jesus, please enjoy your stay

**Sean:** Oh god, I can't do this. They're up to something  _ again _ aren't they

**Paul M:** tHAT IS NoT ME. dO NOT LISDEN TO HIM

**John Lennon:** No it is not YOU, it is ME. I'm John, you're Paul, that's how this works, isn't it? 

" **_YOU BASTARD, PAUL!!!_ ** " John shouted, earning a faraway cackle in return. He turned around to open the door to the bathroom only to find that Paul had shoved a whole bunch of furniture in the way, barricading him inside the room. Paul was locked in one of the spare rooms and giggling away as he caused more mayhem. John, momentarily flabbergasted by the obstacles, did what he did best; he winged it. He climbed up and over the coffee table, stretched his legs to carefully (ouch) not break any chairs (or his own bones in the process). With a bit of a pivot...  _ *crash* _

... Well he hated those chairs anyway, they sucked and had no lower back support... ANYWAY he had to find Paul. 

**John Lennon:** He's crashing about in the other room, I can hear it. Pray for me kids

Paul felt bad for poor Sean and decided to explain the situation. He couldn't help but feel a mixture of delight but also dread as he heard his husband's footsteps approaching. He cheekily got on all fours in an attempt to crawl under the bed to hide when John sounded close enough, but that was a mistake. The dog on the other side of the sliding glass door caught sight of him and began to bark at him. 

"Ah! No, no, shoo! Shoo!" he whispered at the dog uselessly, but the dog kept on at it, more excited than before. 

"Ah  _ HAH!"  _ John busted the door open and pointed at the culprit on the floor. Paul grimaced, eyes wide and continued to keep crawling, but John cornered him within seconds, tackling him from behind. 

Honestly, with all this excitement it almost made up for all the gym the two of them had been missing out on due to covid... 

"Unhand me ye dirty bastard!" Paul jokingly struggled, holding John's phone close to his chest. John had his arms wrapped around and was trying to pry his fingers loose. 

"You give me that back, you bloody tosser!" he answered back, only  _ half  _ joking. Paul wiggled his ass into John's hips hoping he could maybe distract him. Age be damned, he was not above using his sexuality to get out of situations. 

" _ Oof, _ " John bit his lip, but he wasn't going to fall for it, "Nice try, love but you're  _ not - HEY!"  _

Paul used that tiny window of distraction to toss the phone across the floor, causing it to slide away and under the bed. John looked on after it and then, after a minute of the two of them being locked in place, he turned back to face the back of a surely very  _ smug  _ Paul. 

"...I hate you, yknow that?" he grumbled. 

Paul wiggled his butt again, "Sure, John,"

He kept giggling and wiggling so John smacked him square on the ass cheek, eliciting a shocked but delighted yelp from the man below him

"...You're paying for that," he said, lowering himself to whisper into his ear

_ *meanwhile on discord* _

**Dhani:** I take it that John got to Paul. They've both been quiet for a while now. 

**Sean:** Ah well, it's nice to see they still have a bit of fun these days. Will you continue the livestream anyway? 

**Dhani:** Sure, why not. They can always join next time. 

_ The end?  _


End file.
